Holiday Joy
by LadyTrunks
Summary: An angsty little peice about Rogue's views of the holidays. With a lil' bit of Rietro thrown in.


Holiday Joy  
By Lady Trunks 

Has anyone else noticed that fics rated R don't show up anymore at ff.net when you first enter the section (Cartoons - X-Men: Evolution) It only shows PG and PG-13 fics. You have to select all categories to see the ones rated R. I didn't notice at first since I don't really pay much attention to ratings… Until I couldn't even find my own story. That's our lesson for the day children. Forgive me for the lame title, but I was completely blank. It is sarcastic by the way. If anyone has a better one I'm all for it. 

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Rogue looked out at the laughing faces with a cynical expression on her face. What exactly did they have to celebrate anyway? A world that hated them, filled with people that feared them? She never had understood what was so special about Christmas anyway. Of course she had went to church as a child and new all about the religious meaning of the holiday. And supposedly it was a time for peace on earth and goodwill towards man… But what about mutants? Obviously they weren't included in that little group. 

Of course Christmas was also supposed to be a time for family… The thought wrenched a sarcastic laugh from the girl. Family, now that's a joke. She had never known her true family; instead she had been foisted off on Irene. She had raised her as well as she had been able but they had never really been what one would call a family. Then she had left her to join the Brotherhood and later the X-Men. None of them had ever felt like family. 

It wasn't for lack of trying on their parts. No, Rogue knew that the problem belonged solely to herself. There was just something… missing inside of her. The something that made a person feel emotions, whether you wanted to call it heart, soul, or something else entirely. But no matter what you called it, she knew that whatever it was had long ago died inside of her, leaving an empty void where it should have been. 

There had been a time when she thought that she might care about someone, but it wasn't meant to be. Her thoughts started to drift towards him and she pushed them violently away, turning her attention back to the people in front of her. They were cheerfully decorating the Christmas tree, all of them smiling happily. She noticed Kurt looking in her direction and fixed a cheerful mask on her face, pretending like usual that everything was okay. 

She hated having to pretend, but she knew that they couldn't understand how she felt, or didn't feel as the case may be. She had accepted long ago that she was meant to be alone, but they just didn't seem to get the clue. And though part of her appreciated that her friends, if you could even call them that, tried to include her she wished that they would realize that it was hopeless. She had accepted the fact that she was untouchable and there for unlovable, and wished that they would as well. It would make everything easier.

Rogue thought about going over and joining in, but the idea held no appeal. Instead she slipped away and out the front door to take a walk. She took a deep breath inhaling the crisp air that cleared her head and walked at a brisk pace uncaring about the darkness that enveloped her. She walked through the garden and took a seat on the bench gazing at the mansion. The lights twinkled merrily breaking through the dark and for some reason caused her to feel even more alone. 

A sudden wind interrupted her thoughts and she held her breath knowing who it was. "What are you doing here Speedy?" She asked her voice soft. There was no answer for a few seconds and she started to wonder if he was going to say anything. 

"I wanted to see you… I had to see you." He said hesitantly his voice slightly shaky, so unlike his usual tone. He took a seat beside her on the bench but stared straight ahead not looking at her.

"You know the others would be furious if they knew you were here." She didn't have to say who she was referring to, whether it was his teammates or hers, but it really didn't matter.

"I know. That's why I don't plan to be here long." Silence fell between the two, with so much needing to be said but neither being able to say it. He took her gloved hand in his, and clasped it gently. She clutched his hand tightly with her own, desperately wanting to just hang on and never let it go. If only things were different… If only they were different. Then they might have actually had a chance, but it just wasn't meant to be. 

He slowly rose to his feet pulling her up with him. "I should go." 

She nodded her head in agreement but when he started to pull away she instinctively pulled him close clutching him like she would never release him. "I don't want you to leave!" She said brokenly, her voice showing her vulnerability.

He clutched her to him and whispered the words in her ear, anguish obvious in his voice. "I can't love you Rogue, no matter how much I want to. I can't, because I know that it would kill me, and I'm not referring to your powers. My soul has been crushed into so many pieces that there is just no possible way to put them back together. I'm just not meant to love or be loved." She desperately wanted to argue with his words but how could she when they echoed her own. 

He pulled away. "Merry Christmas." The irony of the statement didn't escape either of them and left them both feeling bitter towards the world in general who was at that time celebrating, oblivious of the two solitary people whose hope had been extinguished from their life. With a last longing look he disappeared into the shadows. Leaving her alone.

Rogue stood there empty inside. The fates must be laughing at her, adding one more indignity to a lifetime of them. They say that Christmas is a time for miracles and that must be true. For on that Christmas evening for the first time since she was a child, the girl known only as Rogue cried. The desperate sobs of someone who has nothing left. And in between her sobs she managed to get out three words, "Merry, fucking, Christmas." 

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Now wasn't that jolly? You know I started writing something entirely different, the usual sweetly fluffy thing but then I just felt compelled to write this. My first angsty Rietro piece. So, what do you think? If I have time I'll write a funny one, but I've been working on other stuff. We'll see what goes down.


End file.
